I'm at a place of overload, or of total apathy, or of some sort of cosmic numbness that's stopping me from doing a whole lot. I have to go to the Social Security Administration office. I have for over a week now, and I can't seem to get myself to go down there. We haven't had workouts at all for the past few days because of filter problems. That should have gotten me out of the house and out into the wild city, leaping with joy and freedom. Instead it found me sleeping in, hitting the couch, and catching up on cable I haven't yet seen, eating pizza with DD and fam, and running the few local errands I needed to run in as short a time possible.

I've worked out almost every day this week, which is good, I think. But I barely got out of bed just now at 12:30, and now I have a class to teach at 3:30 which will run straight into workouts to run until 7pm, and I'm a little afraid that I'm not going to make it.

After workouts tonight, I promised DD that I'd go with her and Mia (of all people) to the Comedy and Magic Club. This is because Mia wanted "the girls" to go out for DD's birthday, which was the 10th and on which I already spent too much money. Now I have to go to the C&M Club to spend gobs more money that I don't have.

Which brings me to my next point, which is I've been working for 5 weeks and haven't seen a paycheck. This is why I really, really, REALLY need to get myself to a social security office. They can't give me a paycheck at USC until they have a social security card or a piece of paper saying I applied for a replacement card.

This is because I can't seem to find my passport. And my driver's license isn't good enough for a piece of identification.

Kill me.

If I go and find a SSA office and give them more money and get a receipt, all I have to do is FAX the receipt to school, and I can have a paycheck waiting for me when I go back on Tuesday to teach. This would really, really be a good thing. Because I'm almost down to nothing.

And yet, here I sit. Writing in my much-neglected journal, catching up on emails, and making plans to take a bath and read for a bit before leaving for the 3:30 class. This can't be right, can it?

But I'm overwhelmed with elections and postponements and fatigue from nowhere and my parents being sick and my still not quite knowing what the hell I'm doing here and my missing people in Sacramento and in various other parts of the world whom I haven't had contact with. And I'm freaked about how my body looks, and I'm freaked about how my body feels, and I don't WANT to go find myself an SSA office somewhere and go through that crap just to get a replacement card. I don't even know what I need to have to get it once I've found the office. And I'm too overwhelmed to find out.

Ugh. I'm my worst nightmare right now. Someone give me a good swift kick in the ass and a Nike slogan and be done with me.

Posted by twids at 1:09 pm