I could use a little external positive reinforcement these days, which, I suppose, is why I'm getting extra gussied up for going to the movies tonight with the kids. Though I know I shouldn't need it, it would be really, really great if someone could just say to me, "Wow, don't YOU look nice tonight!" I really think it would help.

I've been struggling for a bit...blue mood, contemplating The Big Swim again momentarily and all that. Couldn't seem to do much other than go to work and come home and worry about whether I'm going to be able to get up tomorrow. Been trying to watch what I eat and how much I exercise to be sure I'm doing all I can to stay out of the particularly deep blue mood. I'm not sure it's working.

I should get all caught up here in these moments before I dash off to the cinema:

Flapjacks with BridgeBoy went relatively well. He cleans up VERY well, and we never ran out of things to talk about. I let him call time, and we wound up hanging out in Joe's for well over an hour. I could have stayed clean through to lunch, laughing with him and sharing my pancakes with him (yes, he reached over at one point and grabbed a bite of my flapjacks...such a smooth move). When the bill arrived, I grabbed it before he could and insisted that I pay, despite his repeated protests. Once I had given check and cash to the server and reminded him that it had been his smartass remark of, "So, when are you buying me breakfast?" that got us here in the first place, he finally admitted defeat and then said, "Fine, then I'll have to get next." I smiled and said that'd be just fine (there's a next!?!?).

We hugged good-bye in the parking lot, and I've seen him a bunch of times up at the pool ever since. Oh! I should also record the best joke of the morning. He asked how I was doing Healthwise, and so ensued the obligatory MS discussion. I told him about the Montel show I'd just watched at DD's insistence, and about how bummed I am that the only ilicit drug doctors recommend for MS-related pain is pot...the one drug I never liked. Then we got into talking about how a sense of humor is omni-requisite for any and all situations. He then said something along the lines of, "Well, I suppose it might be pushing it if one morning I showed up to workout in a wheelchair with shades and shouted, 'Where's my damned POT?!'" For some reason the line took a second for me to register, and in that moment he looked like he was going to die. He said, "On second thought, maybe that's not funny at all, eh?" And at that moment I burst out laughing so hard I thought I was going to pee in my pants, and the relief and giggles that spread across his face were priceless.

Anywho, I've seen him at a bunch of workouts since. Then two days ago, my legs were really stiff, and it was difficult to walk. He walked in to the pool with me and asked, "Are your wheels okay today?" I said yeah, they just needed a little WD-40, and he laughed a little. Later, I was sitting on a block next to his lane and he was stopped, and he asked again, "But seriously, your wheels okay?" I said yeah, that I just needed to keep moving, that I was a little stiff 'sall. He mentioned he'd joined the local Gold's Gym, and we segued into a discussion about the Beautiful People, and how that's a difficult transition to make, coming from NorCal, where everyone's not quite so pretty, and he said, "Yeah, I'll bet you were the prettiest girl in Davis." I sort of blushed and said, "Well, I don't think so...", to which he said, "Well, you had to be, because I was, like, the 8th or 9th hottest guy in Sacramento and you way out-league me."

I'm hoping that was him hitting on me and not him doing that thing that fun nice people do when they see the neighborhood retarded girl coming down the street and burst out with, "How's the most beautiful girl in all the land?!"

Right, so. He's gone away for the weekend with his family to the mountains, and yesterday morning, Kelly came to workout and asked, "What, BridgeBoy not here today?" No, I responded, he's away for the weekend. "Oh, damn," she says, "I was gonna give him my friend's number, hee hee hee!"

I thought I caught my panic reaction in time and pulled myself together well. Then I thought about it for the whole workout and didn't say anything. The whole rest of the day I debated whether to say anything. I'm a fan of the free market. I relish competition. But damnit, by the time Jerry came back that night to drop off his kid, I had decided that I have needs, for fuck's sake, and this is at least providing me with hope at the moment. So I told Jerry to ask Kelly if she'd maybe reconsider on this particular matchmaking endeavor. This morning she came in all bright-eyed and said, "You know, Jerry told me what you said last night, and I totally knew it the moment I said that yesterday morning. I don't know what I was thinking. I won't give him the number, of course."

I couldn't belive I'd been so transparent, and the realization that I hadn't covered even remotely has me pretty freaked out...I'm not sure if that freaks me out more than the idea that the two most involved parents on the team know I'm hot for one of their teammates or what, but suffice to say, I'm sufficiently freaked out about the whole thing. And now I'm re-thinking my sneakalicious plan to approach BridgeBoy the next time I see him and ask, "So, when are you buying me breakfast?"

Enough on that. Fuck, it's almost time for me to get out of here. Maybe I'll write more later when I'm back from watching Miracle.

That, or I'll write again when I'm not thinking about The Big Swim.

Posted by twids at 6:01 pm