Cannot believe it's been a month since I put anything in here. I come and read diaries once in a while, stare at the dland screen for a bit...but nothing comes out. I haven't the energy to type anything, much less to try to put things down into any sort of comprehendable (is that even a word?) structure.

I have been up, I have been down. My sister has had emergency surgery to have her gall bladder removed, I have taken over the financials for the entire program and consequently performed about 40 hours' worth of data entry into our new online system that has not nearly been used to its potential as yet. I have gone to Jamba juice twice with BridgeBoy and agonized over how slowly, if at all, things are progressing between me and him. I have probably gotten about 12 shades darker in the past month given the extreme increase in sun exposure, and I have stepped it up a Supreme Notch in the responsibility I have with the program.

And, I've begun to dread going back to teaching at the university in a few months.

What's up with that? I LOVE the teaching job. It's just so much damned pressure. And it's just that...well, now that I'm taking a break from it, I'm getting to see just how nice it is to only have to think about one thing work-wise. Granted, if I didn't go back to teach, I'd be living on a college student's wages again, and I'm not interested in that...so of course, I'll go back to teaching. But, well, yeah, at present I'm not wanting it. Here's to hoping it looks much more inviting towards the end of summer.

Anywho, today I took the Nephew Who Walks On Water to the beach for the first time. After giving him three rash guards and a boogie board for his birthday. Woohoo! It was breezy and a little overcast today, but I think he still had a good time. Then he and I and the fam went to see Shrek 2.

Am I EVER going to see an R rated movie on a movie-theater screen again?

StudentBoy pulled something towards the end of the semester that really sorta lost major respect points for me. Since then, he's simply become a self-absorbed young guy. I'm sorta happy about that, because I really wasn't interested in the scandal that could ensue if I'd decided to throw myself at him once the semester was over. So yeah, out with StudentBoy.

BridgeBoy, on the other hand, is a whole other story. Ugh. What I wouldn't do.... He came an extra day this past week to workout. Actually, two extra days. He showed on Saturday morning, and when I shamelessly offered up, "Hey, we're having Jamba Juice come down for the meet today...", he raised his eyebrows and said, "Really?...", and then stopped by the meet after his bike ride.

He actually stayed for a while, too. I wished I'd had time to get up and walk around at least for a while with him...but I was barraged with kids and swims, etc., and the most I could do was crack a few jokes and pray he stayed around longer just so I could look at him.

He talked to me for a bit, asked me if I needed anything. Asked me if he could help out at all, or if I was hungry. He disappeared for a while, and I was bummed, thinking he'd not said good-bye for my busy-ness. But then he showed up again, talked for a bit, and said, "You're up to your ears in work. I'd better take off." We said a few parting words, and he did as he said.

I asked him if he had plans for the rest of the weekend, and when he said he had a long run planned for Sunday, Why, oh WHY didn't I ask, "well hey, do you wanna go to a movie or something to rest your wheels after you're done?"

Why, diary?

Because I'm a big fat coward, that's why. And I sure as hell wasn't going to fall flat on my face in front of all the kids and their parents, that's for damn sho'.

And yet, who fucking cares?

Ugh. Kill me. I adore him. I really do. Could I be any more pathetic about this?

What's my next move?

Why, oh WHY can't he just make a move and have it be done with? Why can't he just wait until everyone's gone at workout and grab me, throw me up against the wall and kiss me, thus ending the mystery of it all and allowing me some friggin' sleep?

I can't believe I just said I'm losing sleep over this.

Ugh, I'm a bad Journey song. Or something.

Okay, fuck it, it's late and I'm going to bed. Herein ends another week, and now it's back to the grind.

Seriously, though, if he would just....

Posted by twids at 9:53 pm