Sitting at the Library after JC didn't show for his tutoring session...kill me. Nowhere to go in the time I have, and I have to wait for DD who is supposed to meet me here to pick up papers I wasn't able to FedEx...could go FedEx them right now, but if I leave and she comes, she'll fucking kill me.

If she doesn't show, I'll fucking kill her.

The guys who works at this library part time is sorta hot.

He's probably, like, 19, the way my luck is running these days.

Adam wrote with new pics of him and his kid. Lovely. The kid is cute, in an ugly sort of way. Does that make sense? I'm not bitter, I'm not bitter, I'm not bitter. I'm not even supposed to have kids.

I'm a little scatterbrained today. I miss RA, as absurd as that is. I need a break from swimming or I think my world/reality should completely implode.

A few weeks ago I got a note on the online dating service from The Child Molesting Coach's brother. It scared teh living daylights out of me. The Brother is mentally ill and has been stalking one of the masters swimmers over there...to the point where the Sherriff is making a few extra loops around her block these days, just to be sure she's still safe.

The panic attack I had later that day, after getting over the shock, was centered around the very real idea that I could very possibly become The Brother...lonely, old, wrinkled, greying, mumbling, story-telling, and hitting on people way too young for me. Is that what lonlieness does to people? Makes them old, and still desperate to be cool? Old and hitting on young people? Old and getting laughed at?

Last week I was talking to a couple of parents after workout. After a while, I said I needed to get going because it was coming up on 9pm and I needed to be back at the pool the next morning at 5:30.

The one parent gasped and said, "No wonder you don't have a life!"

What the fuck is that shit? I have a life! And who told her I don't? And who the fuck is she? She doesn't even KNOW me, and she's rambling on about I have no life? What the shit?

And if I DON'T have a life, that's no business of hers!

She's fucking not showing up. I'm going to kill her.

Posted by twids at 4:03 pm