It thrills me to no end to walk full-bladdered into the grocery store post-work on a mission for tampons and ice-cream (hmmm, what's going on in HER body, ladies and gents?), make a bee-line for the restroom only to hear my name called, turn around, and see a very well-groomed BridgeBoy standing in the check-out line, waving.

Thrilled to no end. Really.

So there he was, all primped and combed and buying two bottles of wine and a bunch of fresh fruit, arms outstretched for a hug. I hugged him and cringed as I thought of how I must look: Broken out, hair windblown, in sweats and a parka, and totally distracted by the desperate need to pee and buy tampons.

And of course, I did what I usually do with him: I answered his questions about me ("Any special plans for the weekend?) in very long, way-too-detailed, nervous answers all about me and failed to remember to ask about him. So, as usual, I stood there and talked about me for 5 minutes, told him I was coming in to buy toilet paper for the new apartment (huh? WHY would I say that???), and then said "see ya" so I could get to the restroom pre-bladder explosion.

I'm sure he thinks I'm an ugly, bloated basket case now. It's bad enough that I'm an ugly bloated basket case up at the pool at 5:30am. But at 6pm on a Friday night in the grocery store, I look just the same. And I act just the same.

Christ.

And, if he was all spruced up buying two bottles of wine and a bunch of fruit, that means he was bringing it home for a cozy night with some other chick. Right?

Yeah. I'm sure about this. He's taken, and he thinks I'm insane.

And ugly.

And to top it off? Student boy just wrote me for the fourth time this week, and at the end of this message? He PS'ed to say that he thinks one of the women in this semester's class is cute "in a Molly Ringwald sort of way". I have this in response: 1) Was Molly Ringwald ever cute? 2) Why would anyone tell their grad school teacher, with whom you have a more casual relationship than most (but not THAT casual) that you think one of your classmates is cute? 3) Seriously, Molly Ringwald??? How was she ever cute? 4) Kill me.

Right. So, things are really lookin' up these days. Additionally, I'm settling down in the new place, but still do not have either cell phone or internet access. Evidently I'm forever cursed in that area. I'm not meant to communicate with the rest of the world.

I DO have a land line. That's nice. I haven't had one of those in, like, three years.

Shit is all backwards these days. I'm not sure I like it that way.

Now I need to move more boxes. Pray that my goddamned DSL box arrives today. Seriously. This is getting ridiculous, and it's beginning to drive me a little buggy.

I think I need a nap.

And hormone replacement therapy.

And liposuction.

Posted by twids at 11:31 am